honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
