I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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