Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize