a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
