If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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