i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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