I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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