even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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