He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
