so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
