um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
