A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We just shotgunned beers for America
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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