Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
