If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
