So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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