Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's like heaven, but drunker
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
