Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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