think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
