He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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