Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
