i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
