every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
