Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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