if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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