I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
