I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
