There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
