Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
