Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
