He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
