Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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