you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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