I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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