your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
