Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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