You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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