I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
