Don't you send me to vm
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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