Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
