First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize