my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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