Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
