that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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