I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
