Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
