I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
