I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
