addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
