my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
