Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
