HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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