We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
