My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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