Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
