I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
