I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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