so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
