Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
