I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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